Help! My Kid Doesn’t Want to Go to School

Every parent dreads hearing, “Mum, I don’t want to go to school.” It can feel worrying, frustrating, and even overwhelming, especially when your child is sincere and vulnerable to refusal.

Many families face this challenge at some point, whether it’s a 5-year-old starting in a new system or a teenager struggling with academic or social pressures. The good news is that there are practical steps you can take to help your child and ease their return to school life.

Talk to Your Child About School

The first step is to open up the conversation. Instead of brushing it off with “everyone has to go to school,” ask your child gently why they don’t want to go. Show them that you are taking their feelings seriously, even if the reason seems small to you. 

Why A Child Doesn’t Want To Go To School

Sometimes the reason is simple. Maybe it’s because of a new teacher, missing a friend, or anxiety after the summer holidays. Other times, it may be linked to deeper academic or emotional struggles. 

Over the years, TutorsPlus tutors have signalled a host of triggers for ‘school refusal’ ranging from a conscientious student concerned about tarnishing their impeccable record, through to complex and far-reaching social and emotional reasons.

Creating a safe space where your child feels heard allows them to share openly. This helps you understand what’s happening and reassures your child that you are on their side and ready to work with them to make school feel less overwhelming.

Listen and Ask Questions

When your child says, “I don’t want to go to school,” what you say next really matters. The most important thing is to stop what you’re doing and listen.

Turn off distractions, give your child your full attention, and let them explain. Ask open questions such as:

• “What was the hardest part about school today?”
• “Is there something that makes you worried in class?”
• “What would make tomorrow easier?”

One of our tutors supports this advice, who tells me that “as a parent and a teacher, I believe the key is to keep the dialogue going”.

He suggests ‘booking a meeting’ with your child.

“If that sounds a bit too formal, how about going out to a café for a drink and cake and let your child know beforehand what the agenda is. Explore the difficulties, test out solutions, be brave enough to try some new ideas.”

This kind of listening gives you valuable insight and shows your child that their voice matters.

Recognise Your Child’s Fears

Children often resist school because of fears they struggle to express. These may include:

• Fear of failing or disappointing teachers.
• Worries about friendships or school bullying.
• Anxiety about speaking in a new language or adjusting to a new environment.

Identifying these fears through open questions helps you respond with empathy rather than frustration. Reassure your child that it’s normal to feel nervous and that you’ll work together to find solutions.

Solve the Main Problems

Once you understand the root cause, you can start problem-solving in a focused way. Every child’s situation is different, but looking at the challenge step by step helps make it less overwhelming.

Academic Struggles

You might dedicate short study sessions at home, use online resources, or bring in a tutor who can explain topics in a way that builds confidence. 

Social Challenges

If the problem is social challenges, such as friendship worries or bullying, encourage playdates outside of school, role-play social situations, or involve the school to ensure your child feels supported.

Anxiety

Even simple changes to daily routines can make a big difference in easing school anxiety. A calm and predictable morning routine, extra time to get ready, and celebrating even small successes can gradually reduce stress.

Alex Marrable, Director of TutorsPlus, says: 

“The goal is to empower children so they feel confident tackling new challenges and know they have the tools to succeed, but it is easier said than done.”

The key is to break down the problem into manageable steps rather than trying to fix everything at once. By tackling one issue at a time, you help your child feel more capable and show them that progress is possible.

Meet the Teacher To Help Your Child

If the issue is classroom-related, don’t hesitate to contact the teacher. A quick chat can very often resolve workload, classmates, or teaching style worries.

Teachers are used to seeing children go through phases of school resistance. They want your child to succeed and will usually welcome your concerns. If language is a barrier, remember that most teachers appreciate your effort and will make allowances.

Another of our tutors reminds us that every school has a plan to manage anxious and/or reluctant students, whether because of a fallout with friends on social media, a disagreement with a teacher or long-term issues. 

“Schools are experienced and well equipped to support both parents and students,” he advises.

Enlist the Help of a Tutor

If the challenge is academic progress or confidence, there are several ways to provide support. Your child’s school may offer a study club or mentoring program, or you might set aside extra time at home to go over homework together. In some cases, bringing in an effective tutor can make all the difference. 

“Our son used to dislike math and his lowest grades were on that subject too. Meera helped make it one of his most favourite subjects by building his knowledge of the fundamentals, and providing the proper learning and analysis methodology that helped him gain confidence and significantly improve his grades and his commitment to the subject.” – IB Maths AI SL Parent

TutorsPlus works with certified teachers and examiners who understand the exact requirements of IB, IGCSE, and A-Level. We know how to help your child prepare effectively, close knowledge gaps, and regain the motivation to go to school. With just a few focused sessions, many students regain their confidence and begin to feel back on track.

Watch and Wait

Not every situation needs an immediate fix. Sometimes, school resistance is a temporary phase that resolves with time, patience, and encouragement.

As with many parenting problems, this will most likely be a blip.

“Watch and wait” doesn’t mean ignoring the problem. It means calmly monitoring progress, keeping communication open, and checking in regularly. With reassurance and consistency, many children regain their footing on their own.

How to Set Children Up for Success at the Beginning of a New School Year – Expert Tips

Alex Marrable, shared advice on the WRS Breakfast Show about helping children feel confident and motivated. Her tips are especially useful for parents dealing with school resistance:

• Intervene early – It’s important to help children with weak academic areas before their confidence starts to slip. This is where TutorsPlus can make a real difference. 
• Encourage communication – Keep dialogue open between home and school. Regular communication with your child’s teachers helps you spot issues early and work together on solutions. 
• Focus on effort, not just results – Emphasise perseverance and progress as much as grades. When children see that their effort is valued, they are more likely to stay motivated even when the results don’t come right away. 
• Celebrate small achievements – Appreciating effort and progress motivates children to keep trying. This encouragement builds resilience, because children learn that mistakes are part of growth and that steady effort leads to success.

As Alex explains, “It’s crucial to recognise and celebrate successes, no matter how minor they may seem. This boosts confidence and helps children stay motivated.”

Final Thoughts

When your child doesn’t want to go to school, it can feel overwhelming and discouraging. Many children experience this kind of school resistance, but most gradually overcome it with patience, listening, and consistent encouragement. By talking openly, addressing fears, involving teachers, and seeking extra support when needed, you can help your child rebuild confidence and motivation. 

If your child doesn’t want to go to school because of academic struggles or lost confidence, contact us at or call 022 731 8148. Our team is here to provide expert guidance and personalised support to help your child get back on track.

By Sara Lloyd 

Sara has been an education consultant for TutorsPlus for over 10 years and is an expert on international education in Switzerland.  She is also a parent of two lively children.